the four right chords can make me cry: 05/01/2005

One last thing before I go.

Don't know what this was doing sitting on the bookshelf, a collection of Rumi's poems, very beautifully illustrated. This is probably the most gorgeous arrangement of words I have ever come across. Enjoy.

Sometimes I forget completely what companionship is.
Unconscious and insane
I spill sad energy everywhere.
My story gets told in various ways:
a romance, a dirty joke,
a war, a vacancy.
Divide up my forgetfulness to any number,
it will go around.

These dark suggestions that I follow,
are they part of some plan?

Friends,
be careful.
Don't come near me out of curiosity,
or sympathy.

crystal. jade. rocks.

haha, going all mineral on you.
or maybe mental?

today marianne treated me and hazel to crystal jade! Had a good time. Marianne is the nicest. Its nice to know that someone is concerned with how you're doing, especially someone as genuine and kind as marianne. =)

spent the last 3 days with hazel, and it has been good. First we watched the philadelphia orchestra at the esplanade, its been so long since i've watched classical music performed. We missed the first piece (late), but the second one was by Mahler, one of the few composers i actually know about and quite like. Then we went swimming, spent lots of time just sitting there and chilling, no words needed to be said. Lunched and watched "the day after tommorrow" at her place after that. A nice quiet peaceful space-out kinda day.

Ok, i really should start packing for LPC...

my social circle is closing in on itself
- Met pak the day after hearing about him from gail.
- Met nicola in esplanade concert hall! I was standing next to her for a full 10 mins and i never knew it!
- Met serene's dance friends so now i understand better when she talks about them.

Just to let you know, I'll be away at VCF LPC (leadership planning camp) from 1-4 June.

Urgent request
is anyone free on the 9th of June, at about 11am onwards? I got my driving exam on that day and would really appreciate it if someone could just be there to wish me well and pray for me. Emotional support, please? Might need a shoulder to cry on/someone to rejoice with. Either way I might cry. So bring tissue.

highlight of the day. it was quite abrupt, in the sense that we've never talked about it before. but it gave me so much insight into who he is, the one he admires and respects. also his past, what makes him who he is today. filled in the blanks, and i think that 15-20mins helped me understand him more than the months we've known each other. Interesting.

low point of the day. URGH!!! bugs everywhere! I just spent the last 5 minutes screaming at and throwing assorted things at this really big gross-looking beetle before finally knocking it unconscious and scooping it up with a piece of paper and dumping it in the toilet bowl. I HATE BUGS. There's this dead moth on my table which i'm refusing to touch so it's been there all day already. YUCK.

interesting fact of the day! shaun has a shetland sheepdog too! now i want to go to his house and hug it! if you have a dog too, i would like to hug it. hug it for me on my behalf in the meantime. thanks.

backtrack :: 24th May Tuesday

0000-0700 Sleep.
0700-0800 Wake up rituals. Drop off darren for first day of poly. Reach NUS.
0800-1100 Read & meditate & write.
1100-1130 Wait for people. Stone.
1130-1400 Play badminton. Sit around and talk.
1400-1430 Bathe.
1430-1530 Sit around and wait for everyone to decide what they want to do next.
1530-1615 Eat at engin McDonalds.
1615-1700 Watch Godwin and Shaun play Xbox.
1700-1745 Drink coffee at grining gecko.
1745-1815 Bum around cos gecko is closed.
1815-1830 Bus to clementi.
1830-1900 Meet serene, dan, ham and charles. Walk to foodcourt.
1900-2300 Eat dinner. Try to find Daily Scoop. Find it. It's closed. Get stuck behind yoda. Buy ice cream and sara lee pound cake from 7-11. Go serene's house. Realise that pound cake is completely frozen and inedible. Feast on ben and jerry's, dreyer's and king's. Listen to music. Watch dance videos.
2300-2400 Travel home on 105 with the twins.

1900-2300 is all put together cos I was'nt looking at the time anymore. And time flew by really fast! Had so much fun, and such excellent company. Laughed so much, had such a good time. =) we need to do that again soon, hopefully daily scoop is actually open this time!
Also really enjoyed playing badminton with Anne Godwin Shaun Tenghui Ryan etc. I'm having the best holidays EVER.

Today was another fabulous day! Met Gail for lunch, ate at Simply Bread. Then we went to Holland V to walk around. Really love spending time with her, talking about school, embarassing stories, family, shopping, traffic accidents and everything in between. So glad to have made a friend like Gail in school! Best thing i got out of Uncertainty class.

Then went to Macritchie for my first training session! Going to kota kinabalu end July. Heard about it from shaun at our dinner on sunday. Only really knew shaun and nianlong out of the people who are going, the rest were just acquaintances i know as friends of friends. But meeting them today was fantastic, they're all really kind and warm people! Dawn, Chelsea, Rachel, Nicola, Shaun and Sam were all from Dr Don's writing class too, and we all like him, he's really that nice. Chelsea and Nicola were cross country runners in RJ, so today's run was no problem for them! Ran about 6.5km! I've never ever run so far, so fast in my entire life! If i attempted it alone, would definetly have given up and started walking, but running as a pack really motivates you. I consider this the biggest achievement of my holidays so far! We're training twice a week, so wow, I can't imagine how fit i will be at the end of this! However, we negated all that exercise by eating big meals at Mos Burger for dinner. I'm really excited about my trip! Can see myself having so much fun with these people, they're great to be around. Wonder how the MEET teams are doing in Japan and Macau, must be even more exciting to be doing God's work as oppposed to having fun. Must also remember the China team going up to Lianan on the 30th.

Themes i was thinking about today:
Inner realities vs External realities.
Running the race.

So much food!

Stuffed to the gills after the ladies meeting. But it was good.
Honestly, I felt really out of place, at first. I felt like a child. With the exception of me and serene, they were all married, some even had kids etc. Childbirth, breastfeeding, renovation, home decor, wedding photos, "kids these days", cooking, breast cancer, mother-in-laws were conversation fare. Errr ok? What am i supposed to say? But it was quite amusing, in a weird, surreal kinda way, no?
I can't quite imagine it, myself, grown up, married, in my own house, having kids. My mind reels. I can't even drive now. I'm still a child.
I've been trying to figure out where I belong in church. It can't possibly be here can it? Among people who recall me as a toddler??? Don't know if they were weirded out by me being there, but it was kinda... weird-but-amusing.
But like what i said to Marianne, the Truths from the Bible are eternal and relevant at any stage of life. And being around them was nice, there was this camraderie and openness.
Nevertheless I was quite stunned when Marianne asked why I don't join the BAYA (young adults). It never seemed like a viable option. Having been in youth group for as long as i can remember, having grown up there, the young adults just seemed so... adult. Foreign. Aloof. you know what I mean? Just never able to visualise myself among them, as an equal. But in a blink of an eye, 7 years have transpired, and i'm now in that category (more or less) by sheer default. But in my own eyes, I'm still just a kid...

I leave my teens this year and enter the wonderful limbo of twenty. Hopefully I'll sort it out before 21 comes around.

ps. weili: it would be GREAT if you could join me! I go every friday, just give me a call if you're free to go too. or you could wait till grace gets back from canada and we'll all go together =)

Must have been late afternoon
On our way the sun broke free of the clouds
-dishwalla.

She was so different today, it was almost as if another person's personality had invaded her frail body. But I guess that's what its does to you, when you have your bad days, when your entire being is racked with pain and death seems like sweet release, you can hardly be expected to be chatty. Am I being too dramatic though? I cannot presume to know what it's like.

I think she was actually happy to have me around for once. And i'm glad, that i've gained her trust somewhat. Today was special for me. I'm slowly beginning to know her as a person, through the little details. What her favourite foods are, what songs she likes to listen to, about her pet dog, her brother, her parents. I saw them, her parents, too. They thought I was a social worker. Giving me ideas.

Volunteering with AIDS patients is unique, to say the least. Today I talked to someone for almost 2 hours, all the time wearing a mask. (TB ward mah). Never done that before.

Didnt get to see uncle B today, think i went too late. I miss him! But talked to J abit, I like him too, he's really nice. I'm beginning to see these people as friends. Is that dangerous? Sister mary told me not to get too attached to them, and to give myself a debrief every time before I leave the centre, so that I don't take their problems home with me and make them mine. Cos the fact of the matter is, they're all dying, just sooner or later. But aren't we all? And as a human being, you can't force yourself not to be emotionally attached, after spending time with them. I'm perched dangerously over the threshold. But so far, the debrief thing has worked really well.

Going to PCC has been wonderful. Challenged me to think about prejudice, death, family, sex, drugs, faith, dignity. Made me come out of my comfort zones, do things I'd never thought I could do. Helped me see a side of society I've been sheltered from, allowed me to be among people I normally would never get the chance to mingle with. And as a student, i feel i'm uniquely placed to be a volunteer. No work or family commitments, all it takes from me is just one or two hours a week, and i can visit in the morning/afternoon when the patients are around.

Everyone should volunteer somewhere at least once in their lifetimes i think. Gives you perspective, makes you less self-centred. (and don't the world need less myopic, ego-centric people?).

You know that pianist guy who stopped talking? I happen to think it's a brilliant idea. Too many people talking, not enough people actually saying things worth saying, and even fewer people listening. Ok i guess this is a flippant way to see a guy who is in the midst of a mental breakdown, but sometimes I feel like doing the same thing too. Only i can't draw or play the piano. But i can work on it. I was so inspired that I took out my grade 6 scores and practiced scales (of all things) yesterday. so there.

mandy, i have a theory about why all those people treated you the way they did; they're just jealous. they run you down, try to be snide, just to make themselves feel better about themselves. so don't you listen.
I know... cos i catch myself doing that to people sometimes. pathetic, it is.

oh yes, watched star wars today. it was ok. the themes were kinda interesting, corruption and power, anger, delusion, fear of losing what you love, yoda-speak. haha ok, so yoda-speak isn't a theme. but talk like yoda, everyone did. it's gonna be SO un-funny soon.

Went to the zoo, i did. with the mongolian missionaries, their baby!, and two mongolian students, and joel and brian. Not bad, quite a nice day to be walking around, except for the rain at the end. They were really friendly and i'm glad i went. So nice to be able to actually meet the people you read about in the prayer letters!

on the way out, walking in the rain to the bus stop, this car suddenly pulls up at the side of the road. i'm like... he's not gonna give us a lift is he? but guess what? he really did!!! wow. that was random act of kindess of the year for me! really nice simple gesture =) the guy's name was Ben and he works at the zoo.

Busy day. I'm tired. and got a PCC visit tomorrow morning! Looking forward to it =) goodnight, dear reader.

friday was a happy day

girls night out! hsing looks hot!

so good to be with friends, especially old friends. There is a certain comfort, naturualness, a lack of pretention, being with people you grew up with. thanks v, hsing, and nick too.
had a very good day at the PCC too, really enjoyed talking to the two patients, and sister mary. Wish i had gone up to talk to her after the musical, and some other patients i saw around, my sole regret of the night.

giant viagra i saw on the table while registering for church camp. don't ask me, i don't know...

yup, all registered up for church camp! 17-20th June. Somehow, feeling less and less hyped up about it as the years pass. It used to be THE event of the holidays when i was 13 or 14. Wonder what's in store for me this year.
It actually clashes with SCAMP which runs 19-24th June. I won't be able to be around for lots of scamp stuff, so actually, i'll probably be as much help as a freshman. And honestly feel a bit out of place there sometimes. Ah well, will strive to be a very helpful freshman.

what happens after sunday school classes ends: everyone bums around downstairs and after a while the hungry ones really cannot take it and chase everyone to the coffeeshop.
the sign at the back: "Welcome to Pre-nursery", timo!

gangsta!

goatee in the works

play badminton?

adele and shushu

marcus the small

are you giddy?

pretty and handsome

lunch kakis

after lunch, went for a meeting at Grace's house.
Introducing the members of science comm 05/06!
joel and qibin

grace with space for thought bubble

its d!

weili and me... where are my eyes?

we're on tv!

I've been so... occupied, for want of a better word, ever since exams ended exactly a week ago. Feels like at least 3 weeks ago. Today was a nice day of doing nothing.

Wish you were here :: Incubus

I dig my toes into the sand
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds
Strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind
Pretend that I am weightless
And in this moment I am happy
Happy

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were
Here

I lay my head onto the sand
The sky resembles a backlit canopy
With holes punched in it
I'm counting UFOs
I signal them with my lighter
And in this moment I am happy
Happy

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were
here

The world's a rollercoaster
And i am not strapped in
Maybe i should hold with care
But my hands are busy in the air
Saying

I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were
here

becky - I wish I were at the beach and it wasn't raining and you could actually see stars in singapore.

miaomiao
the resident cat of the prata place followed us halfway home, so cute. It ran up to us and started trotting alongside us. It fell behind sometimes, but would always come running to the front again. it responded to me with "meowrrr", in the most endearing tone possible. before we left the house, there was another cat sitting on top of the mailbox, a very nice black and white one i'd not seen before. so many miaomiaos!
my dog's been acting weird today, but very cute too. He jumped up onto the chair at the dining table but was blocked by the table overhead, so he crawled to the next chair and stuck his head up, looked at me, and then jumped down again. I missed having my dog around in the 2 days i've not been home. Today when i was at my computer, he came in and sat at my feet as usual. he's a really good companion, i love him sooo much! Hug and kiss him everyday! And he's got like super senses. He knows when i wake up, even though i don't make any noise, its like he can sense my consciousness. when i wake up (which is afternoon these days), he just magically somehow knows and will come upstairs to find me.
its really cool outside now, its 2:40am but the sky is kinda red and its so windy that my neighbour's antenna got knocked over. excuse me while i go stare at it for a while.

USP musical!!! must come and support k! every cent of your ticket price goes to the Patient Care Centre (where I volunteer with the aids patients) directly because we have managed to get sponsors to cover the costs. But we need to sell tickets to prove that it was worth sponsoring, so do come enjoy the musical and at the same time donate to a good cause =)

Date: 13-14 May 2004
Time: 7.30pm
Venue: ACS (Barker) Drama Theatre
Ticketing: $18 per pax ($15 each for 4 pax or more)
Contact: me

Synopsis of Musical

The musical that is scheduled to be staged is an adaptation of the stageplay, "The Rise and Fall of Little Voice".
LITTLE VOICE is a magical musical comedy about the power and perils of expression. The whole story revolves around an aging but on-the-prowl widow who never shuts up and her reticent, reclusive daughter who barely speaks at all.
Dubbed “Little Voice” or “LV” by her uncomprehending mother, this unusual young woman is hiding an incredible secret gift. Little Voice may not speak, but she does sing, uncannily capturing the legendary inflections and personas of many a great songstress.
The play inspires hope in both young and old by showing that even the darkest clouds will have its silver lining and the plain and uninteresting in their own ways can razzle and dazzle under the right circumstances.
On a higher level, it encourages the acceptance of people for who they are by acknowledging that we all have our own strengths and weaknesses and only through mutual complementing can we advance together as an integrated entity.
Songs in the musical are original compositions of our own students.

Who we are

We are working under the banner of the University Scholars Club of the National University of Singapore. We are a faculty club that is made up of students under the University Scholars Programme. The University Scholars Programme is the premier education programme in NUS which aims to give students the unique university experience, aiming to expand the breadth as well as extend the depth of learning while inculcating students that have a global consciousness. Subjects taught to the students supplement the core modules that other NUS students undergo and try to introduce modules that are not taught in other faculties like Cyber Arts and Sonic Arts.
The University Scholars Club is into its 4th year of existence and of the 4 years, we have had 2 theatrical productions, with the current one being the third venture in the field of performance arts. This is also the first time we have incorporated an element of charity in the preparations so as to make our work more meaningful as well as to attract more people to join us in our cause.

Beneficiary

Patient Care Centre (PCC) of the Communicable Disease Centre, TTSH
PCC is a support centre for patients who have contracted the HIV virus and those who have full-blown Aids. Through its various programs and initiatives, it provides emotional and financial support to needy persons with HIV and Aids, rehabilitates and reintegrates these individuals into the larger community, and also combats the stigmatization of and discrimination towards these individuals. More detailed information on PCC's programs can be found in the attached document.

Objectives

1. To raise awareness of the discrimination towards AIDS/HIV patients and to correct misconceptions that have been around for years.
2. To raise funds for the HIV/AIDS patients at the Patient Care Centre.
3. To forge friendships and common experiences among students in the University Scholars Club.

Theme of Project

The theme of this project is No Positives, No Negatives, Just Equals! and the meaning behind it is as follows:
No Positives, No Negatives, Just Equals! works on a tri-tiered approach that brings together students, HIV patients and our community to achieve three main objectives.
Firstly, through various fund-raising events, the project will help raise funds for the Patient Care Centre, funds that will assist the PCC in handling its operational costs and ultimately benefit HIV patients undergoing various medical treatment programmes with the PCC.
Secondly, the project, involving students from the University Scholars Programme as well as other interested parties will allow our youths to undertake a multidisciplinary and holistic approach towards understanding, engaging with and contributing to a common social cause. Ultimately, what ‘social responsibility’ means to those involved would not merely be defined but realized.
Finally, through efforts to encourage acceptance in a post-awareness age of HIV and Aids in Singapore, the project wishes to help overcome the social stigma placed on HIV patients by the larger community. In this light, HIV is no longer a personal struggle faced solely by HIV patients themselves but is more crucially a social debilitation that our whole community faces. While medicine may yet cure HIV, acknowledgement, acceptance and proactive measures by our community as a whole can provide a social solution to the accelerating spread of HIV in Singapore.

one-liners

self-praise is no praise, but self-deception is deception indeed.
it's who you know.
the science lib is once again a ghost town.
windows media player is hypnotic.

and just like that, my first year at NUS ended, in the typical whimper and not a bang. rainy day after stats paper, but i was happy because i was going to watch a movie. ben and hozea are good company =) they were so tired that it was funny. but just felt very indulged in, that they were so nice as to wait that long. you know, i haven't laughed so much in a long time. and millions is a very good show. i might want to watch it again, but im kinda reluctant to part with my limited cash. 3 months of holidays to spend it all! gotta ration.
mandy's birthday dinner! hey mandy, hope you had a good time, cos that's all that really matters. even if the guys didnt appreciate the exquisite dining experience, I, for one, really liked it! Ambrosia is nice =) must thank liwern for picking the present... you can imagine how suaku i was at the makeup counter.
hols are here! what am i going to do.

i love talking to her, always uplifting, always amusing. she's so open and honest, even about the strangest things, the direct opposite of me, always trying to censor myself. we talk about everything, things i don't dare bring up with other people. i should be more forthcoming too, but, its hard. i can't bear to show you my vulnerable side, and yet i long to talk about the stuff i struggle with. in her words... liddat lor.

why does anyone still read this? why waste your time reading about all the silly, inconsequential, random events that make up my life?
just a bunch of words. how do you know i'm not making all this up? other than the fact that i'm not very creative.
blogs. strange.

anyway.

Happy Birthday Grace! The world was made a brighter place 20 years ago by this sunshine girl =)

the four right chords can make me cry

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Saturday, May 28, 2005

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Friday, May 20, 2005

Monday, May 16, 2005

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Monday, May 09, 2005

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Monday, May 02, 2005

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